Well I don’t quite no what to say, I got back from D of E on Sunday evening.
It was an emotional roller coaster as expected, unfortunately more of a downward one that a positive. It all went quite wrong and was truly the hardest thing I have ever done.
There where also a few moments where my anxiety just took hold completely and I just felt utterly awful, all of these involved being off balance, high up, with gusting wind and generally terrified, unfortunately my anxiety didn’t go back to a manageable level once I reached the ground, so I was not only pushing the physical limits of my body (weird bones and all) but also really on the edge of my psychological limits, and of course I couldn’t actually tell anyone that, or explain and there was nothing they could do to help anyway.
If I’m really honest I very nearly quit many times, I didn’t think I could get through it, I don’t want to sound like a complete idiot here but I only really kept going because I was determined it wasn’t gonna beet me and I didn’t want the rest of the group, particularly my tent partner to fail because of me (unfortunately I think that nearly happened anyway, thank god it didn’t)
So I was going to blog for ouch about the whole experience, right now I don’t feel I can, even though I/we passed it feels like we failed, its all very complex but a lot went wrong.