This of course got me thinking of the you know your blind when hilarity this is something I have often discussed with blind mates and it stuck me that I have failed to post something like this before. Thanks Charlie for bringing it to my attention!
I must say all of these things you are about to read are true and have happened.
I would also like to add that if you have your own additions to the list you are about to read stick them in a comment with your name, URL and whatever and I will add them in!
Ok so after all that…
You know you’re a blind person when…
- You accidentally wash your hair in factor 30 sun creme.
- You don’t have a single pair of matching socks.
- You hand your sister a container which you think is shampoo, your slightly less blind sister manages to see that it is in fact Hob Bright oven cleaner.
- You go on holiday and accidentally come back with someone else’s Guide Dog.
- You persuade a friend to play darts with you and hit your friend in the leg when it’s your turn.
- The phrase ‘Blind Drunk’ has a totally different meaning to you.
- You are totally unaware that the city you live in is completely consumed with fog… it always looks like that to you!
- You HATE the idea of Shared streets!
- You hate car drivers except when they are driving you somewhere.
- Because you have some vision strangers refuse to accept that you are blind.
- You get told off by the Police for walking into a bollard, they think you have had enough to drink already; ON YOUR WAY TO THE PUB!
- Having a Guide Dog or cane means you never get ID’d in pubs.
- You have full conversations with what you think is your friend, you later discover she’s not actually there.
- Walking straight past the person you are supposed to be meeting is a regular occurrence even if it is someone you know well such as a parent.
- Reading the cooking instructions on the food you purchase is totally impossible so you guess.
- A person walks up to you says your name and starts a conversation you talk for a bit and they leave… You still have no idea who it was.
- What colour are my trousers?’ is a perfectly reasonable question to ask a date.
- You high-five the persons face instead of their hand.
- Other people tell you to ‘watch out’ and then apologise and get all embarrassed.
- You don’t care about 3D.
- You stop traffic… With your cane/Guide Dog.
- People you meet tell you all about their blind aunt flora (or other relative) and ask if you know her… After all, all you blindies know each other well.
- The thought of you running scares your off duty Guide Dog so much that he proceeds to jump on you to make you stop.
- You wear ear plugs to gigs… your ears are very valuable.
- Walking along you hold on to your friend’s arm EVERYONE assumes you’re a couple.
- Audio Description gets you VERY excited.
- You forget that the friends you are meeting can see, you text them telling them exactly where you are sitting instructions on how to navigate to your position and what colour jumper you are wearing.
- ‘How long is your cane?’ is a totally innocent question.
- You spread Marmalade on your toast and take a big bite… Only to discover its actually mustard.
- You walk into glass doors.