I’ve become aware over the last few months just how fragile the human body is and what a God given miracle it is that the majority of people have a fully working body – it may have its individual quirks but generally speaking works ok. Everything from the cells in our liver to the way the ball and socket joints in our shoulders and hips fit together was so perfectly created by God our creator.
Increasingly mine doesn’t work how it should, and of late its been hard to accept this and deal with the frustrations it causes.
Aside from being a bit blind I’ve got hypermobility syndrome it affects the connective tissue in my body it means my joints are very loose, I’m very double jointed. My joints are under significantly more strain than your average joints, they less stable and more prone to dislocation and injury. As a quirk it also makes LA less effective so for recent surgery i had to have 5x the normal amount injected into me!
Since the beginning of june I’ve sprained my ankle (for the millionth time), I had just got back on my feet after that and then I developed sciatica and had crippling nerve pain in my leg and then I’ve spent the last 3 weeks in constant pain every day with some kind of back/neck/shoulder problem.
Its all brought to my attention just how fragile the human body is – particularly mine!
Most recently I’ve had knee problems I injured my medial cruciate ligament back in December, we are now well into <arch and although my MCL is feeling a lot better I injured the burser just as it was starting to improve. The result I’m in pain every day at the moment some days are better than others but I’m very limited as to what I can do physically. I can’t even run for a bus let alone play football or cricket, I can’t handle uneven pavements or stairs but I’m thankful every day that I’m not on crutches and I’m able to walk.
I’m not going to lie there have been times over the last few months when I have really thought ‘God why’? Its a totally human reaction to living in pain and suffering. The way I think of it is simply this: Nothing bad (pain) comes from God on top of this we re all born in the image of God and are perfect in his eyes regardless of what physical or psychological disability we are born with. God also has a purpose for all this as he has a perfect plan for my life – for example my recent knee injury has seen me start wheelchair basketball and its been fantastic I plan to continue playing when/if my knee recovers. It has been a totally liberating experience!
The other thing of course is that its quite difficult to explain this to people unlike my blindness people can’t see it, when people look at me they see someone that is 6ft1 that looks strong but in fact my joints are incredibly weak. Someone bumping into me in the street while i was caring a bag of shopping (which wasn’t even very heavy) caused my elbow to pop out of joint and then back in a couple of months ago. I sometimes feel like i need a fluorescent sign above my head warning people that I’m coming, as if a guide dog wasn’t a big enough sign!
I have to make a conscious effort to tell people my limitations and trying to articulate whats wrong with me tends to be quite tricky – I don’t want to moan at people all the time and i think its quite hard for people to imagine what goes on inside my joints even when i do explain. Like everyone I find it hard to admit to my vulnerabilities so it can be a real challenge.